Fake Love
In Matthew 18:10-14, Jesus tells his disciples that they aren’t to despise “(v.10) one of these little ones,” ultimately because “(v.14) it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.” Between these verses Jesus offers the parable of the lost sheep, wherein the shepherd leaves his 99 sheep in search of the one that has wandered and rejoices greatly when he finds it. Jesus illustrates here the love of Father for his disciples, the “little ones”; when they stray into sin the Father is eager to restore them. The unspoken message is that we should love and desire the same for our fellow disciples, rather than despising them.
Passing through a gift shop recently, I saw some apparel that bore the phrase, “Not all those who wander are lost.” It was not new to me, but it always catches my attention because I disagree with it at a certain level. On the most superficial level, I quite agree that it is possible to wander and not be lost – much of my childhood was spent wandering through the woods, enjoying only an imprecise sense of my location. It’s great fun and I miss the leisure of such explorations.
However, when that free-spirited phrase implies something more than wilderness wanderings, when it is applied to wandering from the path of what is wise and true, I must disagree with the assertion that not all those who wander are lost. Jesus makes the impossibility of this sentiment plain when he says: "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”(John 14:6) To stray from the way is to be lost; it is to be in need of the rescue of the shepherd.
Now this evaluation could be applied to the world generally, but Jesus’s focus in Matthew 18 is on the disciples. How will they respond to other disciples who have gone astray or are currently astray? It’s a question that carries into the present life of the church. Jesus says through word and example not to despise these little ones, but to love them as the Father loves them. This love gains clearer definition when we consider the meaning of its opposite, what it means to despise the wayward disciple.
Despite makes its most obvious appearance in the form of intentional neglect and withholding forgiveness. A brother or sister goes astray and rather than trying to restore them, they are cursed and consigned to hell. It’s captured in the persona of the religious person who does not know the meaning of mercy. Based on the strict religious context in which was Jesus speaking, I imagine this form of despite was the one at the forefront of his mind.
However, this is not the only way we may despise others. In a culture that celebrates “You do you” and free-range wandering, its common for modern-day disciples to ignore the waywardness of their brothers and sisters. We see them sinning, we see them neglect their church family because they are so “busy”, we see them until we don’t see them. Oh, we do wish they’d change, we do wish they’d come back, but is it really loving to say anything? Shouldn’t the sheep just come back when it wants to? Who am I to interfere?
Our culture has so embraced wandering that we have been deceived into thinking we are being loving when we don’t get in the way, when we just let people wander off the cliff. We congratulate ourselves for our fake love. Fake? Yes, because we feign concern about others even while we are only concerned about ourselves. Beneath this veneer of love is found our fear of social friction and calamity. Under the right circumstances, we might even admit that we are afraid of how some lost sheep might respond – that sheep might bite! This doesn’t seem too bad on the surface, but this layer can be peeled back too.
Underneath our fake love and all our fears is found the love of our own comfort. We are disturbed when our brother or sister begins to trot away; we feel like maybe we’re supposed to do something and that’s disturbing when you don’t want to do anything. What better way to gain all-around comfort than by convincing yourself that doing nothing is exactly what you’re supposed to do!
Against this backdrop of what it means to despise our fellow disciples, the meaning of the Father’s love stands out clearly. The Father sends us after our straying brothers and sisters, for their good, not our comfort. It is costly, it is not easy, but it is love. The shepherdly pursuit takes a variety of forms depending on circumstances, but the common denominator is an effort to retrieve and restore our brother or sister. Are you doing that? Are we doing that? I confess my own struggle with all of the above; I offer this challenge not as one with the perfect attitude but as a co-laborer fighting against the cultural tides that pull on us all.
Rev. Tom Loghry
Tom Loghry is the senior pastor of Rockland Community Church in North, Scituate, RI. He is a graduate of the Berkshire Institute for Christian Studies, Toccoa Falls College (B.S. Pastoral Ministry), and Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary (M.A. Theology). He is continuing his graduate studies in the area of “Ethics & Society” at GCTS.
Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright © 2001, 2007, 2011, 2016 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.