Heaven Without God

My heart knows sadness. Every year brings a closer acquaintance. Please understand, I do not suggest that I know any special difficulty in life that goes unmatched by your own personal variety of hardships. I only say this – I’m in the same boat, maybe not as far below deck as you, but in the boat all the same.

Yesterday afternoon, as I drove to pick up my son from school, I thought of my grandpa. In less than a month’s time, days before Christmas, the one-year anniversary of his passing will come and go. If God lengthens my days, this will not be the last anniversary; every year his life will drift further away, like a stick floating out of sight down a river. How I wish I could have kept him here.

There are many other loved ones I wish remained. In fact, there are many things that I wish were different. If I listed everything, some differences would resonate with you and others would seem childish. My longstanding, abiding sorrow is that Sara and I have not been able to have more children. The longer life goes on, the less it looks the way I drew things up. Call it naïve, call it delusional, but I had certain dreams and for a while everything seemed to go according to plan (my plan). And then they didn’t.  

To be sure, I have a good life. I will remember this again when I take up my annual tradition of watching It’s a Wonderful Life. All the same, things are not how I would have them. In my mind’s eye, I can see everything arranged, just as I would have it. I’ll spare you all the details, but there is nothing evil in the picture. It’s all good things – like having all those lost loved ones and more children. As my heart hurts, yearning for such a scene, a vision that has all the markings of heaven, something catches my attention. More accurately, some absence catches my attention... 

Where is God?

As my imagination sketches heaven, life whole and complete as I would have it, it is remarkable that I can envision this scene without God. I know how my heart longs for that vision; am I nearly so desperate for God? Do I sorrow, longing to see Him face to face, grieving the wait of Christ’s return?

There is a mercy in sorrow. There is a kindness in loss and in want. Better to be left seeking than possessing such a “heaven” now. Better to be instructed in dissatisfaction, feet worn with the calluses of a pilgrim seeking God’s country, than to be satiated by an easy time. Can I be taught to desire God as much as these other things? Can you? I hope so. If not, every tear is wasted.

Every good thing desired reflects some goodness in God, tasted in these things but only existing eternally in Him. So many crumbs leading to the Bread of Life. Guide my feet to you, O God.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Matthew 6:21

“You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” -  Psalms 56:8

Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright © 2001, 2007, 2011, 2016 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Rev. Tom Loghry

Tom Loghry is the senior pastor of Rockland Community Church in North, Scituate, RI. He is a graduate of the Berkshire Institute for Christian Studies, Toccoa Falls College (B.S. Pastoral Ministry), and Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary (M.A. Theology). He is continuing his graduate studies in the area of “Ethics & Society” at GCTS.